the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
