I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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