I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Someone signed my nipple.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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