She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
