She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
