we have pet lesbian snakes
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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