It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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