Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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