I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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