I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
