I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
