He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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