I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Randomize
