just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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