i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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