I think I am morally bankrupt
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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