tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
