TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm just crazy horny about you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
