Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
