i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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