Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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