Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
