i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize