ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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