Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
