You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
