my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
