there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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