i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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