if only i could text you this smell
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
