You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks