I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
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Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...