I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
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Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult