i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
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I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
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The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.