shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my being single is dangerous.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.