i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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