And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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