you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
