I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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