that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
