I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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