I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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