Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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