Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
