the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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