"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
