Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
