After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
