I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
