I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
