i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
