i would punch a child for taco bell
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
