UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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