there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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