some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
