I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
