I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
