i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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