Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They have beer where we have blood.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
