we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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