i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
