Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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