you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
