yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Houston, we have a squirter
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
