I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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