she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
