Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
