3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
